Tell Me Stories of the Joker King and Jester Queen
by Blacklakemermaid
Summary: Had to take a crack at it. Sorry. Tell me stories, many stories, about the joker king and the jester queen. How the Joker and Harley met leading into their lives as the king and queen of crime!
1. Chapter 1

"Tell me stories, many stories, about the clown king and the jester queen."

"If you insist my dear, Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess named Harleen Quinzel. She lived it a Castle called Arkham Asylum in an ugly little kingdom bathed in light called Gotham. Gotham was guarded by a terrible black dragon who 'protected' all the subjects of the kingdom and kept them happy. Many brave knights had tried to woo the fair princess but none had succeeded, until one night the dragon brought a clown into the castle and the princess was charged with looking after him-"

The sound of heels echoed through the halls of Arkham Asylum, followed by the sound of whispers.

"So it's true then? He's back?"

Click.

"They put _her_ on the case?"

Click.

"Poor girl…"

Click.

"Only been here a few months I heard."

Click.

There were nods exchanged with the orderlies, a quiet "good luck" muttered, and the creaking of a metal door before the young woman stepped foot in the entrance to hell; a white room with a single man inside.

"Hello," She greeted off hand as she sat across from her patient. "My name is Doctor Harleen Quinzel and I will be your personal doctor during your stay here at Arkham, Mr.-" she glanced down at her notes "Joker." she glanced up at the smiling man with green hair and white skin covered in tattoos. She put down her papers and folders and adjusted her glasses. "And it seems, Mr. Joker, if my papers are correct, your stay here will be quite a long one indeed."

He laughed "Oh Mr. Joker sounds so formal, Doc-TER. Call me J. I should think we will become quite friendly if my stay is going to be as long as you say it is, after all."

"Mr. J, then." She said leaning forward slightly, letting some strands of blonde hair fall in her face. "Let me cut to the chase, who are you?"

"Why, I'm the Joker! Clowned Prince of Crime, Ace of Knaves-"

"Yes, yes," she interrupted pushing the strands of blond hair back towards her pony tail and rolling her blue eyes. "I have heard of your many stage names. Heavy handed if you ask me."

"Light handed if you ask me."

She scowled.

He smirked.

"If you are a Prince, what are you prince of?"

"Gotham, crime, chaos, I'm prince of it all, and destined to be king." He wiggled around in his straight jacket, as if he was used to using his hands when he spoke.

Harleen began scribbling on her notepad and muttered to herself under her breath, "Patient has delusions of grandeur."

"Delusions? I can assure you doc, my DELUSIONS are quite real. My kingdom grows every day."

"Alright, back to the question, Joker." She dismissed him with a wave of her hand before pegging him with an icy stare. "Who ARE you? Forget the silly nick names you have given yourself, you have been in and out of asylums and prisons for years but no one has any idea where you came from. Who _ARE_ you?"

"You know what happened to the last doctor to ask me that question?" He asked, pegging her with a stare of his own cold, grey ones.

"Yes."

"And you asked anyway?"

"I thought it would be worth a shot."

"Oh no no no no Doc-tor, you won't last very long if you keep going like this."

"But you like the bold ones, don't you? At least that's what you told doctor number three…"

Jocker clicked his tongue in disapproval "It really is sad how he fell out of that ten story window."

"He fell out of that ten story window seven times, Mr. Joker."

"Ah, ah, ah, what did we say about that name? 'Mr. Joker', Blah!" He made a face, then laughed. It was the kind of laugh that was filled with humor, but the entirely wrong kind of humor. "You should know serious isn't really my forte. We are such old friends after all."

"Of course."

"You know, I like you Harleen,"

"Oh, do you now? And to think, only a few seconds ago you were threatening my life! Sweet memories."

"Has it been that long? Time sure flies."

"It sure does Mr.J"

He smiled wider.

Her lips twitched up for a split second.

"Oh I can tell we are going to have great fun." Joker smiled.

"Likewise Mr.J," she replied before standing and knocking on the door, signaling the orderlies to let her out.

"That was a quick therapy session doc, not even fifteen minutes! The fun was just getting started!"

"You're therapy session start next week, Mr. J. Consider this a meet and greet. We will have two scheduled therapy sessions a week for now, maximum security meetings on Tuesdays and couch sessions on Thursday. Until next time-" She turned to leave.

"You know Doctor Harleen Quinzel," She stopped. "You have a very beautiful name, do your friends call you Harley?"

"To be honest I don't have many friends, Mr.J"

"Hold on! Hold on!" Joker started swaying back and forth and making faces. "Harleeeeeeeen QUINzeeel. Harleeeeeeeee Quuuuuuuuiiiiinzel. Harley Quinn! Ha! Get it?"

"Yeah, like Halequin, the clown character from Italian comedia del arte, the same joke was made by my 11th grade English teacher. Very funny."

"That name puts a smile on my face, Doctor. You know I think I might just keep you."

Harleen turned and scowled at him "How kind of you."

The orderlies closed the door behind her, but it was only until she was half way to her office when she remembered Joker had never given her a straight answer to her question. She leaned her forehead against a wall, silently scolding herself. "Well played 'Mr.J'" she muttered under her breath.


	2. Chapter 2

"What the princess didn't know as that the clown was actually a prince from a far off land"

The buzzer sounded, mixed with the clicking of heels making a beautiful symphony. J looked up from his face down position at the table to see that his doctor was now looking down at him in mild disgust.

" ," she greeted.

"Doc-tor Quinzel,"

She sat down in the chair opposite him and then paused as if waiting for him to right his posture against his chair instead of continuing his current position of restrained chest and arms being pressed against the table, chin squished against the surface. When he made no move to do so she let out a breath, brushed back a strand of blonde hair and folded her hands on the table in resolve.

"We didn't get very far last time Mr.J" She gave him a second to respond, when silence persisted she spoke again "Silence doesn't suit you Mr.J."

The Joker laughed loudly, throwing his head back and finally righting his position. "No, it doesn't," he agreed "but don't think this means I'll start spilling my deepest darkest secrets to you. You shouldn't be too upset though."

"And why is that Mr.J?"

"Because if you knew exactly what was going on in my head you would go insane." A wolfish grin spread across his lips.

Harleen leaned forward so that her weight rested on her elbows, "I a tough girl."

A look of surprise shot across the Joker's face before his smile reappeared, five times larger. He relaxed as if resolving himself to his fate. "Chose your questions carefully, Doc."

Harleen pondered exactly what to ask. She knew she could never ask about The Batman and that if she asked about anything too serious he wouldn't speak to her. She decided to take a chance on a topic she hadn't brushed with him yesterday.

"What about your tattoos?"

His smiled told her she had chosen correctly. He wiggled in his straight jacket as if settling in.

"What about them?" he asked looking her dead in the eye. He dead, cold eyes gleamed madly.

"Do they have a meaning?"

"How many have you seen?" he asked.

"All of them. I have the photos taken by the GCPD."

"They can represent all kinds of things. Reminders, things I've done-"

"The one below your waist seems hardly necessary," she commented, lazily flipping her pencil around her fingers.

"Oh that one was just for giggles."

She chuckled lowly then shuffled through her papers before removing some of the photos of his tattoos and laying them on the table for him to see.

"That one is one of my favorites," He said pointing with his nose at the picture of a tattoo that should have adorned his arm. It was a bird, dead, with an arrow through his heart.

"And why is that?" she asked curiously.

"It was the one I got the day I clipped the boy blunder's wings."

Harleen slowly looked up from the picture's to meet the Joker's deadly eyes. He made the sound of cocking a gun, the sound of it firing, and then the low whistle of something dropping to the ground, and finishing with a quiet sound of something falling.

A battle was raging inside Harleen's mind. On the one hand the scene was almost comical, the noises and the faint body gestures. On the other hand he was talking about murdering someone, someone who was a young child. She was torn between laughing and crying. Her body eventually decided to let out a low, shaky laugh through her shocked and somewhat disgusted expression.

"I got this one the same day," He continued after analyzing her reaction. She followed his eyes to a tattoo that should have rested on his other arm, opposite the bird. It was Batman's symbol, a knife sticking up through the center. The meaning was obvious.

"Do you feel you NEED blood shed?"

The joker quirked his head to the side. "I need very few things. Food, water,-"

"You seem so much more than a man that it's hard for me to remember you need those things."

"-but most of all," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. He obviously wanted to make a point. "I need chaos."

"There's that word again," she said, slightly proud that she seemed to be getting somewhere today. "Someone who thrives on chaos must not have much stability."

"What use do I have for stability?" Joker laughed.

"Relationships are built on stability."

He scoffed "That's one of the many things I don't need. Chaos dwells with chaos alone, there is not a person alive who could keep stride."

"If there was," Harleen interjected "what would they be like?" her pencil was poised above her note pad, ready to wright.

The Joker assessed the situation and for a moment Harleen worried if she had asked a question he hadn't liked, but after a second he let out a low growl, cracking his neck before once again capturing her eyes.

"I don't need friends," he reminded her "I have my right hand man and the most beautiful whores in Gotham."

"Regardless," said Harleen. "Those… girls don't provide you with emotional connection. Describe a girl you could… connect with."

She wasn't sure why she had basically rephrased the question to ask him to describe his perfect girlfriend.

The silence took hold of the room for a while before The Joker drew in a breath and began to speak.

"She would need to be free of all the false and imaginary barriers your 'civilized' society is trapped in. She would need to be the creation of pure chaos. Eat when she wants, dance when she wants, steel when she wants, kill when she wants, sleep when she wants, where she wants with who she wants, as long as she returns to no one but me. My word would be her god and she would be my temple. She would need to give me unwavering trust and in return I would give her everything she could ever want. Money to spend, underlings to order about, a kingdom to rule. She would be my crown jewel, my lover, my QUEEN." he growled the word in a low voice. At some point during his description his eyes had closed and he had begun swaying as if possessed. Now that he was obviously done, his trance broke. He look Harleen dead in the eye and murmured "but such a woman, doesn't exist."

Harleen stirred from the trance-like state she had acquired while listening and realized that she had not taken a single note.

"You must be lonely," she murmured. They held each other's stares for a moment, each analyzing the other before Harleen glanced at the clock and realized it was ten minutes past their end time. She jumped up from her seat and buzzed for the orderlies. When they opened the door to escort the Joker back to his cell she looked over her shoulder back at the Joker. "See you Thursday, Mr.J."

"Until then Harley Quinn." He answered.

At that, she left, the sound of heels clicking against the floor receding down the hall.

"And at that moment, my dear, she fell in love instantly."

Hello everyone! Sorry that I have not updated this story in literal months. I have more time on my hands these days and more access to computers to type on so hopefully I can continue writing this. I have the entire story planned in my head, I just need to get it typed out! You guys still need to know who's telling the story don't you? So please comment, I love comments, and follow this story so you can know when I get my lazy butt around to updating. Love you all!


	3. Chapter 3

"And so the princess continued to watch over the Jester, not knowing he was also a prince."  
~~~~

Wednesday went by quickly enough leaving both patient and doctor anticipating their clicking of heels and the opening of the door announced her arrival once more.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Mr.J, I just had to-"

"Don't tell me," He interrupted, turning his whole body to face her from his spot on the couch, "Your hair is neater than usual and I can smell your perfume from here. Damon number eight I believe. You have a date tonight, Doctor Quinzel."

She was once more blown away with his power of perception and his need to show her just how good it was.

She adjusted herself, calming her flustered her demeanor. "Perhaps I just wanted to look nice."

"Oh no no no, you have diamond earrings on and your skirt it an inch shorter than it usually is. Seduction at it's finest."

"I can never lie to you, Mr.J," she admitted "If you must know, yes, I have a date tonight."

"Nice guy?" He asked, batting his eyes and trying to prop his head on his hand. He was free of his straight jacket today, couch session. But that didn't mean he wasn't loosely chained to the floor. All precautions had to be taken with this patient.

"Yes," she conceided, sitting down in her doctor's chair, resting her notes on her lap.

"Tell me more, tell me more, like does he have a car?" Joker sing songed in mock intrigue.

"I thought we were here to talk about you, Mr.J"

"And I thought we had implemented a token economy into my treatment plan, Doctor Quinzel."

A staring match ensued that Harleen knew she would lose. For a man who claimed to live in chaos he had remarkable self discipline and patience.

"Very well," She conceded. "Yes, he is a nice guy."

"Uh huh."

"Handsom."

"Oooo!"

"An old friend of Bruce Wayne's"

"Oh my!"

"Good job,"

"Always good."

"Potentially a good father."

"Essential."

"What's not to like?"

At this The Joker, who had been reclining lazily and commenting to Harleen's descriptions as if he was her closest girl friend all of a sudden got serious. His back straightened and he took a deep breath. He looked up at Harleen through his eyelashes and spoke in a voice like distant thunder.

"Tell me, Harley, does he EXCITE you?"

"Excite me?" She mumbled back, unsure.

"Yes," He smiled a malicious smile, turning his head to the side slightly as if to examine her from a different angle. "Does he excite you? Do his words send tingles down your spine? Does his touch set you on fire? Does he posses you the way you want to be possessed?"

"No," Harleen answer quietly. She shook her head and awoken from the dream like state his words had put her in. He hadn't moved from the couch but she felt as if he had whispered his little speech right into her ear. "I mean- ofcourse! Like I said, what's not to like?" But Joker was already smiling his victory smile. He had won some sort of battle Harleen didn't even know they were fighting. That worried her. "Enough about me," she said, changing the subject, "I believe it's high time we talk about you."

The green haired man leaned back, resting his arms behind his head. "Fire away, doc."

"Tell me about your life."

"My life?"

"Yes, your life. Walk me through a normal day."

"Well, there isn't really such a thing as a normal day for me, Doc. I like it change it up a bit." He flashed a smile "But, I see what you're aiming for."

"Proceed."

"I wake up anywhere between never and noon, depending on weather I slept the night before at all, in a-"

"Do you usually have trouble sleeping?"

"Excuse me, Doc-tor, but I believe I was telling a story."

"My apologies, Mr. Joker." She responded, but scribbled down insomnia in her notes anyway.

"Anyway, I wake up, if ever, covered either in thousand thread count sheets, or blood, or both. Sometimes I don't know what I wake up in. Either way, Jonny usually finds me and gives me reports."

"Example?

Joker looked hurt that his story had once more been interrupted, but decided to indulge her request. "I keep up to date with everything and everyone in this city. If a shipment of diamonds enters the city, I know. If Scarecrow puts a couple of goons down on main street, I know. If Riddler fails to hold up a bank, I know. If GCPD arrests penguin for smuggling his cheap,low class drugs for the millionth time, I know. If the commissioner leaves his house, I know. If a tree falls in Gotham Park and no one is there to hear it, I know. Anymore questions?"

"No, continue."

"After that any number of things could happen. I could attend to any 'guests' I have lying about. I could go out and blow up something, just for giggles. I could fuck what ever girl I fancy, or blow off the head of a Gotham crime boss."

Harleen waited this time to make sure he was done speaking before asking questions. "Then tell me about your favorite thing to do."

Joker sat up, reclining leisurely against the back of his chair. "I like to make business fun. My favorite things to do lead to me fighting bat-brain, of course. However, I'll tell you about something more… domestic. When men come to one of my clubs to make business deals, drug distribution, weapons deals, alliances, the usual, that is when I prove I am the prince of crime." His aura had changed again. He was relaxed but radiating strength. Harleen couldn't help but feel as if she was in the presence of royalty. "I sit on my throne like so and meet with these men who want to climb up the ladder far enough to challenge me. Of course I don't usually look like this," he indicated his drab prison uniform. "Fine shirts and shoes, gold rings and chains usually decorate my person. My cain is my ceptor and a glass of brandy is my chalice." He held up his arms as if he were holding the items in his hands. "I watch as the peasants scramble to impress me, then finally, and most importantly, I choose who lives and who dies."

"All powerful.

"Exactly!" He seemed to be getting excited "That's the game isn't it? I choose who's worth the challenge. I have created most of the enemies I have myself. Two face used to be known as the upstanding lawyer Harvey Dent before I got to him. Riddler was a wanna be game show host before he had a sit in with me. These are my creations, my children, I've hand picked them to release into the world so that they can create chaos."

"And how do you choose these unfortunate souls?"

"No. Nononono, Harley, they are not unfortunate souls at all, because in them I saw a spark of madness, a crack in the facade that society forces it's minions to wear. I merely helped them shed their skin and let them emerge more than a man. I set them free to do what they wish. I did them a favor"

"And what makes you think that? Maybe they wanted normal lives. Families."

The Joker threw his head back and laughed. "No man wants to be caged. Don't you ever feel it, Harley? That there is a whole other you, the real you, waiting to break out. Why care what the brainless masses think when you are the one with power? When you are the one on top? And I rule over it all."

"You make it sound so beautiful."

"It is, terrifyingly beautiful."

Harleen ripped herself away from his gaze to glance at her watch. "Our time is up, Mr.J"

"So it is," he didn't make a move to leave.

"I have a date tonight."

"You do."

"If I don't go I'll be late."

He hummed in response.

She stood up, adjusting her skirt since it had ridden up a few more inches while she was sitting down, getting dangerously high. She could have sworn she heard him growl silently as she exited the room, alerting the orderlies to retrieve her patient, and made her way out of the asylum.

~~~~~~~~~~

AN: Hey guys, thanks for reading! Please, please, please comment! I always get so excited when I see someone commented on my stories! Even if you have suggestions from my story, or ideas that you think will make it better! Love you all!


	4. Chapter 4

And so the princess went off to spend time with the Prince of Gotham.

Harleen had changed out of her doctor coat and pulled her hair out of it's tight bun. She didn't really like keeping it in a bun, but it looked more professional. She still needed to make it look subdued though. She brushed it so it all fell over her right shoulder. She check herself in a hand mirror before stepping out of her car and walking into the nearby restaurant.

Le Petit Sourire was one of the fanciest places in the city to eat. Normally Harleen wouldn't even be near the place, but when you were dating Thomas Cain there was a certain style of living you were exposed to. It was always a bit of a rush when she entered an expensive place, say her name was Harleen Quinzel and that _she was on the list_ and watch the staff bustle about to impress her.

In Le Petit Sourire the gold dressed waiter lead her to the second floor of the gold decor restaurant, where the private booths were. She was lead, almost regally to her date and left to sit herself in the booth.

Thomas stood when he saw her, a slight smile on his chiseled face. "Leelee," He greeted, kissing her on the cheek.

"Tom," she smiled warmly at him, then took her seat.

"Just Tom?" He laughed "You don't see your fiancee for a month and a half and she starts just calling you 'Tom'"

"I'm sorry, my new patient-"

"I get it. Your top secret patient is priority. Your dedication to your work is why my parents approved of our relationship after all. We haven't gotten a psychiatrist married into the family yet. The folks think it will make the grandkids more business savvy."

Harleen let out a laugh, ignoring the waiters filling water glasses around them before discreetly ducking away from the pair to attend to other patrons. She finally took a second to survey their surroundings. Everything was gold and decorated beautifully. The second floor looked over the lower floor of the restaurant so that Harleen could look down at the normal patrons that weren't dating millionaires. Above them was a third floor similarly looking over the bottom floor. Looking up and across the room Harleen could see that above them was a sweet more extravagant than the floor she was on. Private bar, chairs, couches, fancy doors. The entire floor was empty.

"What's up there?" Harleen asked pointing to the third floor.

"Private booth for the most important patrons." Tom answered shrugging.

"And you don't count?" Harleen asked "The heir to the Cain family fortune somehow doesn't make the cut for the mysterious third floor?"

"I know," he said glancing up at the empty floor again, "I think it's mostly for the owner."

"Must be pretty pompous guy," Harleen commented "His entire place is gold and he keeps an entire floor for himself, even when he's not here."

"I've heard the guy owns a few places around Gotham… look the waiter is coming to take our order."

The meal was wonderful, but Harleen was constantly distracted by the third floor. She couldn't help but imagine herself perched on the arm of one of the couches next to her man, drinking champagne.

"Harleen? Harleen?" Harleen was pulled from her thoughts by Thomas "You okay Leelee?"

"Yes, of course!" Harleen responded, "Just daydreaming I guess."

"About the wedding?" Thomas asked "Hey, where's your ring?"

Harleen glanced down at her ringless hand. "I don't wear it to work, it could potentially make one of my patients feel possessive."

Thomas nodded "Okay, but make sure to be wearing it the next time I see you. So, when will that be? Another month?"

"I'm sorry Tom I'm just so busy."

"No no, Harleen, I get it. I love you."

"Thanks Tom."

"Have you gone dress shopping yet?'

"Huh?"

"For the wedding, have you gone dress shopping yet?"

"Oh, uh, no. I actually forgot…"

Tom shook his head chuckling "You are a strange one. What kind of woman forgets about her wedding dress? Isn't it supposed to be a big deal or something?"

"I sorry Tom, I'm just so busy-"

"With work," Tom finished for her, flashing one of her perfect smiles. "I know."

"And I have no one really to go with," Harleen admitted.

Tom regarded the statement for a second. Harleen had never had many friends, and no one particularly close. Her maid of honour was going to be his cousin, Leilah. "Ill ask my mom and Leilah if they want to go with you, how about that? Worst case you could invite this mysterious patient of yours since they are taking up so much of your time."

Harleen was suddenly bombarded with the mental image of The Joker lounging on a white couch criticising the dress materials and arguing with shop owners. The thought made her laugh. It also made her wonder where he got his clothes, he had told her he had worn fine things, were they custom? She couldn't picture him actually going to a store.

The ringing of a cell phone interrupted her train of thought. Tom quickly picked up his phone and began talking to the person on the other side "Yes Henry? Yes, I know. But he was supposed to come next week! Yes but- I'm with Harleen right now. I get that this is important, I just- yes. Okay. Alright. I'll be there," Tom hung up the phone "It looks like you're not the only one with a busy schedule. Even for a fifth son," Tom joked, standing up and walking over to her. He kissed her cheek. "Bye Leelee."

"Bye Toto," She smiled. And with that he left.

Harleen decided to continue to sit at their table for a while. It had been forever since she had had time to herself, and Le Petit Sourire was the perfect place for it. She began once more regarding the mysterious third floor, picturing herself roaming around it confidently. There were chairs set up facing each other, perfect for private conversations and she couldn't help but imagine herself sitting in the lap of the love of her life being purposely distracting, or standing my the edge of the railing overlooking the floors below with said man. It was a pretty and elegant mental picture, but it slowly gave her a slightly uneasy feeling, because she just couldn't picture Tom being that man.

Her own phone began to ring, distracting her. She quickly pulled the phone out of her bag and glaned at the number. Arkham Asylum flashed brightly on the screen accompanied by the incessant ringing. Harleen quickly answered the phone and held it up to her ear.

"Hello?" She asked.

" ?"

"Joan? What's wrong?"

"It's The Jo- ahem, it's your 'special patient.' He seems to be having an episode."

"What's happened?"

"He broke out of a guards grip while being taken to the shower rooms. He's wandering through the asylum. We are currently in lockdown. Apparently, he's asking where you are."

"I'll be there right away."

"Come through the backdoor, and Harleen?"

"Yes, Joan?"

"Be careful."

Harleen murmured a thank you before quickly leaving Le Petit Sourire. She quickly got into her car before speeding off to her place of work. When she finally arrived she messily double parked and ran out of the car, finding her way to the back door of the asylum and pulling the watching key out of her pocket. In the distance she could hear police sirens as she ran through the now unlocked door.

"Harleen, thank god you're here!" Cried Joan Leland.

"What's happened?"

"We've called the police, three security guards have been attacked."

"Where is The Joker?" Harleen prompted.

"In your office," replied.

Harleen nodded and then turned to leave, picking up the ring of master keys by the door.

"You can't be going to him, Harleen!"

"You said he was asking for me?" Harleen asked.

"Yes,"

"Then I must go. For the sake of my patient."

With that Harleen left.

The asylum was more silent than usual. Her clicking heels echoing more than usual. As Harleen came face to face with her own office door she paused, looking through the smoky glass window. No light was on inside and no sound could be heard behind the door. She reached for the key to the door before noticing it wasn't locked in the first place. She turned the handle, pushing the door open slowly.

Her eyes took a second to adjust to the dark before a voice spoke.

"How was your date, little Harlequin?"

AN: Wow, okay that took longer to write than expected! Thank you so much for the kind reviews! I have so many ideas for this story I just need to get off my lazy butt and write them! Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Please review cause thats what makes me motivated to keep going. Thank you for your continued support!


End file.
